the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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