Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
