I wish I could punch you in the face.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
