NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
