forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
