I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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