Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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