I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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