yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
