FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if only i could text you this smell
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
