sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
