New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
