It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
