Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
