WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
