Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
