he wants to bone in the snuggie
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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