Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
