very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
