WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
