He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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