did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
