I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
