WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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