If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
