If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
