So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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