Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
