the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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