And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she peed on how many people?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
