Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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