When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
