We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
