well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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