Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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