She announced her abortion via fbk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
