hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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