he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
