Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I believe in your delicious
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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