I just saw a hot homeless man
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
