Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
