We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
