Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
