New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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