there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
