i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
