Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
