mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
