I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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