you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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