Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
is wine microwaveable?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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