I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
